I'll Never Stop
by CanadianFreakshow
Summary: In the past, they both made mistakes and broke eachothers hearts. Their relationship was theirs to make...and break. In the future, Ludwig is willing to go to the ends of the earth to get Matthew back…but will Matthew take him back? [Germanada]


**A/N: Woooow okay! So I am suuuuper happy with how this turned out. I've been working on this for a few months now and I finally finished the first chapter. This is a rewrite of a fic I started writing 2 years ago and I got the urge to rewrite it. There will be another chapter but...it won't be out for quiiiite a while. Anyways enjoy this angst!**

 **1871:**

The meeting room hustled and bustled with the sound of chattering countries, arguing or catching up. Left and right countries filled the room and just like usual, stayed in their respective groups and spots.

The actual meeting portion of the evening had been finished for quite a while off in the corner, the newly formed country of Germany hid in confusion. That morning his older brother had spontaneously decided that since Ludwig had recently become a country, it was time for him to attend his first world meeting.

Ludwig, however deemed it little soon. It had only been a few months since it had become official and Ludwig really didn't feel like he was quite ready. It seemed like a big step.

Ludwig's thoughts were quickly interrupted when his brother cheerfully walked towards him from where he had been talking to a country he knew as England. His brother knelt down a bit so he was eye level and started to speak quietly.

"Bruder, I would like for you to meet someone. You don't have to but...it might do you some good to become friends with some countries your age. He's only been a country for four years so he might be able to give you some tips."

Ludwig thought for a moment...it wouldn't hurt really. It might even be beneficial to create strong bonds with other countries while he was young. Then he'd have allies when he grew up.

Eventually Ludwig nodded and a bright happy smile lit up his brother's face. "Come on then, lets go over to them."

As he was walking over to where his brother had been before, he spotted a nation who was slightly taller than him. He was thin, blond and had the most beautiful eyes that Ludwig had ever seen in his life.

"Matthew..." His brother began as England smiled at him. "This is my brother Ludwig. The new country of Germany. Lud...this is Matthew, the Dominion of Canada."

Matthew smiled at Ludwig and stuck out his hand. The smile took him off guard, and for a moment, he forgot to breathe. The others' smile was so...beautiful. When he felt a slight nudge to his side from his brother and clumsily launched out a hand towards him, shaking it back.

England smiled at the two. "We'll leave you two to it then, yeah?" They both nodded at the same time and the two other countries made their way over to other groups of countries.

"Uhm...so...do you want to go sit in another room that's...more quiet?" Matthew smiled nervously down at him, running his fingers through his blond hair.

"Uh ja. That sounds good. I'm not a fan of loud places either."

With his reply, Matthew's smile widened and he reached down gently grasp Ludwig's wrist. "Come on then. I know just the place." And quickly pulled him from the room.

Ludwig allowed for himself to be led the short distance until they came to a staircase labeled 'roof', where Matthew dropped it. Ludwig found him mourning the warmth of the other's hand as they quickly climbed the stairs.

"Well...here we are. The roof. I like to come up here sometimes after meetings. Especially if it gets loud. It's kinda like my special secret place, but I figure it won't hurt to share it." Matthew said as they reached the top and plopped down on a nearby crate.

"Wow. It is quite the view." Ludwig replied as he sat down next to the other. Matthew nodded and hummed.

They sat in silence for a while, taking in the view and eachothers company. Though they had only met that day, it was almost like they just...fit together. The silence they shared was comfortable with no hint of awkwardness.

"So..." Matthew said after a while. "What do you think about being a new country? And about the meeting."

Ludwig thought carefully for a moment before replying. "It's...a little overwhelming to be honest. It's not that I'm not ready for it. Really I am, it's just a change to be involved in country things. As for the meeting, it was fine. Very unorganized though, that bothered me quite a bit."

Matthew huffed a small laugh. "Yes you're definitely right about that. But maybe one day, you'll be the one organizing the meeting. As for the country part...I get that. It's a little scary. I mean, Arthur still oversees all of my decisions but it's nice being called something bigger. Something more important. It gets easier over time though, so don't worry."

Ludwig nodded, taking in what Matthew was saying. "What you are saying makes sense but...I don't know about the whole 'organizing the meeting' part. I only just became a country, I could stay quite insignificant for...perhaps centuries."

"Hmmm...I dunno about that." Matthew hummed. "You already seem like a country that will go far. Like you're gonna do something big that everyone will remember. That will go down in history in a country more than just your own."

Ludwig blinked and nearly beamed at the other. "Really? Do you think so?"

Matthew looked Ludwig over for a moment before smiling slightly at him. "Yeah...I yeah I really do."

For the rest of the time they had, no one spoke another word. Ludwig found that he really didn't mind that.

When he met up with his brother after saying a farewell to the other country, his brother smiled and inquired about his time. "So...how was it? You make a friend"

And for one of the first times when asked that question, he replied. "Ja...Ja I think I did."

After that, whenever Ludwig got the chance to spend any amount of time with Matthew, he jumped at the chance.

Every meeting, they always met up afterwards, even if their guardians had busied them with meeting and speaking with other countries, they managed to make time for one another.

Before long, they were practically inseparable. Everyone knew that the two of them were close and if you didn't...well you didn't get out much.

Their relationship stayed the same for the longest time. Not that it was bad. They had a deep and strong friendship. The only problem was that the only reason this had came to be was because any blossoming feelings for Matthew that Ludwig would feel were always promptly ignored. After all...if the other knew how he felt, they wouldn't be as close of friends. They wouldn't even be talking.

That is until one day when they were, like usual, hanging out on the roof.

"Hey Ludwig..." Matthew murmured suddenly, breaking the silence.

Ludwig hummed in response, and Matthew took that as an invitation to continue his thought. "Do you...ever wonder what it would be like to...I dunno. Be in love?"

Ludwig's head snapped suddenly in his friends direction and he gaped. Ludwig had no idea what to say, so he said nothing.

Seeing his friend's reaction, he sighed and started playing with the sleeves of his shirt. "Never mind..."

The sad look on his face snapped something in Ludwig, and he closed his mind. "No wait. It's fine...I'm just shocked is all. And ja...ja I do. In all honesty, I would love to let myself fall for someone...but Matthew. Were nations...humans have significantly shorter lives and other countries...well things get complicated that way."

Matthew cringed and hugged his arms around himself, burying his face in his knees. "Yeah...I know. But just for one day...I'd like to know what it's like..."

Ludwig didn't reply, because he knew if he did, he might let something slip. He thought of Matthew and his beauty and kindness and just how easy...it would be to fall for him. How easy it would be to just think of what it would be like to hold Matthew in his arms and breathe in his scent. How wonderful it would be to just kiss Matthew once.

And by the time he had realized what he had done.

It was too late. He had already fallen.

After that day, Ludwig danced around Matthew and constantly thought through every action and word he spoke. He wasn't ready for rejection or the loss of the other. He wouldn't be able to bear it.

So for the time being, he hid his feelings in the back of his mind. Buried them for even himself. Despite the pain it caused, it was worth it if it meant keeping Matthew's friendship.

It wasn't until a party that all nations were invited to, that he finally confronted his feelings.

He had been sitting off to the side trying to not be noticed and rejected every invitation to dance from anyone who asked. He knew was off making appearances for Arthur's sake and insistence, but he couldn't help feeling lonely and slightly ignored.

Matthew had said hello to him but only briefly that night before rushing off to his guardian's side. It was times like these that he realized just how much he depended on the other. Just how much of his happiness came from him. Ludwig would think of it as sad, but he was too far gone to care any more.

When the party had died down significantly Ludwig silently prayed that Matthew would be able to spend time with him and sure enough there was a small throat clearing behind him and he turned around to find Matthew.

"I was wondering...perhaps you might want to dance? You looked kinda lonely. Thought I might fix it."

Ludwig blinked for a moment and looked around to make sure no one would overhear them. He then made sure his voice was quiet. "Uh...Matthew. I'm not sure that's a good idea. I don't see a problem but...someone else might. I just want to be safe."

Matthew blinked for a moment before shaking his head slightly. "No, I didn't mean here. I meant somewhere else. This whole night has been so boring and I want to dance with someone..."

Ludwig furrowed his brows. "Then why ask me? There are many attractive women here...and you're very...attractive yourself. " Cringing, Ludwig continued, hoping that didn't sound suspicious. "I'm sure they'd love to dance with you..."

Matthew looked away for a moment before shaking his head. "I know there's women here but...you're the only one who...gets me. I trust you more than anyone. We don't spend enough time together as it is. Just...come to the roof with me? Please?"

Ludwig stared at his friend for a moment, breath hitching. He knew it would be a bad idea. They shouldn't go up there. Who knew what would happen...

But Ludwig still nodded and whispered. "Alright..."

Matthew smiled brightly suddenly and lightly grabbed his wrist to pull him away from the dance floor. It reminded Ludwig of the day they had met. It seemed like yesterday but it had been almost fifteen years since that day.

Matthew pulled him along as they ran quickly from the room. Just like that first day, Matthew took the initiative in showing them where to go. Except when they got to the staircase, Matthew didn't let go. If anything he held on tighter, as if afraid that Ludwig would disappear.

Even when they got to the top, Matthew still didn't let go.

Saying nothing, Matthew found a spot on the roof and gently pulled Ludwig in, wrapping his arms around his waist. Ludwig stood stiff and still, he hadn't expected Matthew to want to be so close. Even if they were alone.

"Uhm...Matthew..."

Matthew's chin rested on Ludwig's shoulder and his arms tightened slightly around his waist. "Please...even if it seems weird. I just want to be close to you.."

Ludwig swallowed, heart beating fast in his chest and nodded, wrapping his arms around Matthew's shoulders. It was awkward at first, but it quickly faded away into a calm nice dance. They swayed slightly, the only sound around them were the faint noises of the city and their breathing.

They stayed like that for the longest time, neither daring to speak or move more than the slow dance they were in.

"Matthew..." Ludwig choked out after a while. He couldn't take all of this confusion. What did this man want from him? "What does this all mean? Please...tell me. I'm so confused."

Matthew's breath hitched and he lifted his chin off of Ludwig's shoulder. Staring deep into his eyes, he whispered softly. "What...do you want it to mean? I...I'll say yes to anything...as long as I get to be near you. As long as I get to stay by your side..."

For a moment, Ludwig could have swore that he had stopped breathing. Swallowing, he forced air back into his lungs and whispered almost inaudibly. "You...I just...want you..."

Matthew's hands slid slowly down from Ludwig's waist to his hips without breaking eye contact. His face moved closer, lips nearly touching. "How much of me...?"

Ludwig's own hands moved from Matthew's shoulders and slipped softly into his hair cupping his head. "Everything." And with that, Ludwig softly pressed his lips to Matthew's and his eyes slipped closed.

Their lips pressed together for as long as they could stand not breathing, and when they broke apart, neither could hold back their giddiness. "Finally...I was worried we would take forever..."

Still lightheaded and slightly confused still, all Ludwig could reply with was. "Ja...same."

Matthew giggled softly and moved his hands from Ludwig's hips to wrap his arms around his neck, pressing their lips together once more. Ludwig stood there in shock for a moment once more before the full realization of what had just happened suddenly hit him full force.

Ludwig smiled giddily into the kiss, wrapped his arms around Matthew's waist and twirled the other man around. Their hearts seemed to be in sync and even though they were the only two people on the roof, they felt more in company than they did in a room full of people.

After that day, it seemed like absolutely nothing could tear them apart. Their love was one of the strongest things Ludwig had ever felt and it didn't take long before they became absolutely everything to each other.

They both should have known that it wouldn't last.

For the next many years the two of them fell into an easy and happy relationship. They spent every moment they could together and got closer every day that they did.

Though they had to hide their relationship from the majority that would find their relationship wrong they didn't mind much. It was their own special secret that no one knew and if they had anything to say about it, no one would.

But of course, nothing could stay perfect. They fought and got upset at each other about decisions...but nothing could prepare them for what was coming.

What was coming was something that not even the whole world could be prepared for.

 **May 25, 1915**

The screams of agony and fear rang in Ludwig's ears. He knew that when this was over, he would never forget the deaths of every single person but right now, he needed to get through this war. He couldn't dwell, because there were too many more days like this in the future and he needed to make it through them.

He had lost the battle...he had been so sure that he would win. He was sure that those soldiers had no chance in hell at fighting the chlorine gas but he had been wrong. He had underestimated them.

There had been a point in time where he would never underestimate Matthew or the others...but the distance had made him forget. Matthew was stronger than he seemed. When he was younger, he had been the one to tell other people that...but things were different now.

Just like with his thoughts, he couldn't dwell on the battlefield either. He needed to move on. He ma of lost this battle but there was many more he needed to fight for. There was no way he was going down without trying.

But as he was walking away, trying to block out the nearby cries of pain and death, one sound cut through. Just like with any other wounded soldier, it was the sound of pure agony but as he looked toward the sound, he found it was no regular soldier. Curled up on the ground, hands clutching his eyes, was Matthew. The sight broke what was left intact of his heart. It shattered it. It obliterated it.

Ludwig was so shocked, he couldn't help the small sound that escaped him. "Matthew..." He whispered, fighting back tears.

Though the cries were loud, Matthew had still heard. The nation looked up with red, raw and unseeing eyes and glared in the direction of the sound. They said nothing for a long time. Matthew just glaring, and Ludwig staring back.

After a while Matthew finally broke the silence with something that for the rest of his existence, he knew he would never forget. It was quiet, but Matthew was angry. Furious. Absolutely heartbroken...so anyone nearby could hear the venom that his former lover spat.

"You know Ludwig...when I said that you'd do big things I _never_ imagined that it'd be in... _this_ way." Matthew looked down for a moment, breath shaky. "But then again...I used to think a lot of things. Foolish things."

Matthew whispered the last part and looked up at Ludwig once more, damaged eyes chilling him to the bone. Angry tears were shining in his unseeing stare. They were the same eyes that had captivated him as a young country. The ones he'd fallen in love with.

"Like how meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me. But in reality...It's the worst. I know that now. I wish I hadn't fallen for you. I wish I would have ignored you and everything would be easier." With every word, Ludwig's heart shattered even more than before. He had no idea that that was even possible.

"I _hate_ you Ludwig Beilschmidt."

Ludwig stared at Matthew for a long time, before turning on his heel and walking away. There was nothing else to say to each other. And with each step, he felt his heart harden. Any tears that fell down his cheeks were just a figment of his imagination.

After that, Ludwig saw Matthew only in passing. But a day didn't go past for the rest of the war that he didn't think of his love's tear filled and unseeing eyes and the hateful words that filled his head whenever he stopped to think.

After the war, Ludwig's country fell apart. He had failed his people and now they were suffering. All because of him. All because of his mistakes.

Matthew had been right. He would never be in the history books or good things. He'd be in there for causing the world problems, and because he had lost the war, failed his country and led them into disrepair.

He became desperate eventually. Desperate to help his country and desperate to stop from suffering. To make his country better. And so he got help from a man who promised to help him to just that. He was so sure that things would be better after that.

But just like many things he'd thought would turn out okay, he was wrong.

 **September 10, 1939**

The meeting room was tense and the many faces that looked at him were angry and hostile. Ludwig tried his best not to care. He proudly stared down anyone who dared to challenge him and his decisions.

But when he looked up and found a hard stare from the angriest person in the room, his facade had failed and he found himself looking away. It was one disappointed look that would always matter to him. He knew that look would be burned in his brain forever.

When people began to discuss the topics it was hard to keep the room from breaking out into fights. After all, many countries had already chosen sides and declared war against each other. This would be the last personification meeting before the war.

Matthew was already against him. England had declared about a week before and looking at history, that meant that Matthew automatically. But things changed when Matthew stood up at the end of the meeting.

Everyone in the meeting room stared, open mouthed at the Canadian and his declaration. No one had ever expected him to say such a thing. Especially towards Ludwig.

He was never exactly quiet during meetings. In fact, In the past few years he had began to say more and more. But this was Ludwig. Everyone had known how close they were.

"Wh-What?" Arthur said surprised and Matthew's usually quiet calm voice was strong and full of poison as he stared at his former lover. "You heard me. I said I declare war on Germany."

"M-Matthew...now just wait a sec-" Arthur began to say before Matthew gave him a hard glare that made him shut up.

"I may be in your dominion Arthur...but I am still a country." He looked away from Arthur and moved his gaze towards Ludwig. His beautiful eyes were now covered by a pair of glasses. "And I am making this personal. I will fight against Germany not because I've been told to. But because _I want to."_

And with that he exited the room, a sputtering Arthur following closely behind.

The meeting ended, and the war began.

The war passed by even slower and more painfully than the one before. This time he was filled with many regrets and much remorse.

Ludwig had had so much much faith that his country would be helped. He had risen from the ashes and after so long of improving his country...he fell down again.

And now after everything he was hated by most countries and Matthew...well he wouldn't even look at him anymore. Not even to glare and even though the last of his heart had broken...but even the pieces got stepped on every once in a while.

 **August 1, 1975:**

The meeting room hustled and bustled with the sounds of friendly chattering. Just as Ludwig had been told many times that day, it was incredibly important. Today he was establishing diplomatic relations with Canada.

Of course that meant that he would be seeing Matthew. All day. It was obvious that the Canadian was plastering on a fake smile. He was definitely genuine about the fact that he wanted peace, Ludwig was sure of that.

Matthew just obviously hated they were in the same company.

Ludwig didn't blame him. Matthew had many many reasons to hate him.

Everyone began to gather around the table and Ludwig's boss beckoned him. He went up to the table, grabbed the pen and signed the paper. The paper was moved to face Matthew and he signed the paper.

When the pen was put down, Ludwig held out his hand and smiled hopefully at the other. Matthew grasped his hand back and smiled back. Everyone around them began shaking hands with each other and suddenly the attention was off of them.

Instead of letting his hand go, Matthew clenched it tighter and he pulled him in close and whispered in his ear.

"Don't think for a minute that since I signed that paper I forgive you. Because I don't. Politics are different than my feelings and if you think I'm gonna jump back into bed with you, you are very _very_ mistaken. I will _not_ be taken for a fool. Not again."

Ludwig froze and Matthew pulled away from him, beginning to gather his papers.

And as Matthew left, Ludwig numbly sat down, and a single tear slid down his pale cheek.


End file.
